She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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