no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
