how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
