I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
