it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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