So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
