I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
