can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
