Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
