Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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