Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
