My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
