the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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