Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
