ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
