my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
