So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
