I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize