??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize