That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
