The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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