I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
God I need to hump something, right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
