You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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