please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
