Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
