god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
