Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
