Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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