you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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