i was born a porn star she said
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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