I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
