She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
