I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I met the friendliest cop last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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