the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
