I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
