A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize