I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
