I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
