i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Randomize
