He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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