no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
