the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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