No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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