they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
