Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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