Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
