if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
