my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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