Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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