It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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