So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
