a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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