He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize