mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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