the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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