I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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