I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
