I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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