He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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