I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
