Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
