jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
