Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
