thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
