i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't turn off my feet"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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