i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
