tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
