What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
