Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
