they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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