thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize