i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
