Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
