Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
